Monday, April 7, 2008

155.937 -- Grief

"Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly.
Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively.
But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion
or I shall suspect that you don't understand."
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed


People respond to grief in so many different ways. It is impossible to know how to console someone the way they want to be consoled. Books on handling grief will counsel the griever to tell loved ones exactly what they need to hear and how they need to be treated. Unfortunately, the grieving person doesn't always know what they need or even how they feel.

I'm lucky to have had a relatively grief-free existence, but I have had some interludes. Enough that I know how I deal with grief, and what I need to hear. I'm still learning how to help others. I'm still learning that people don't exhibit the same signs of any emotion. Don't always expect the excited person to be as animated as you would think. Don't expect the bereaved person to go through the same five stages (in order no less).

C.S. Lewis wrote the book A Grief Observed following the death of his wife, never intending to publish it. The quote above is from this work. It is emotive in a way that other of Lewis' books are not. He wrote in another work, for example, that God knows what's best for us, and we should trust him implicitly. He goes on to say that, "if our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it." This advice is exactly what would have sent me over the edge if someone had said it to me during a time of grief. I suspect Lewis came to the same realization during his bereavement.

But like I said, everyone is different. Some might take solace in knowing that God is watching out for them and ultimately knows what's best. I, on the other hand, can't think about God during a loss... not without a million unanswerable questions.