for what it's worth

There's probably nothing that can prepare a person for parenthood. So so so many things are not as you expected, and there are so many large and small things that weren't even on your radar to begin with.

Despite the fact that I have a large extended family and family of in-laws, and despite the fact that they were not sparing with their advice and wisdom, nothing took root. I didn't heed the warning to, "Sleep. Sleep. For the love of God, sleep whenever you can." I brushed off the people who said, "If you can't or decide not to, breastfeeding is not the be all end all." And only after I was home alone with my newborn baby for two days without help did I recognize the wisdom of, "Accept any and all help you are offered."

For these reasons, I don't expect my advice to go very far. I don't really even offer it, unless asked, because new parents are so over the moon in love with the thought of parenthood. Like me, they don't pause to consider that it might be harder than they expect. Way harder. But here it is anyway. For what it's worth.

• Take way too many pictures.
• Try out generic brands. Target's diapers are a lot better than name brand!
• Take it easy on yourself. There is almost nothing you can do that will scar your baby for life. If you have to bottle feed, take her to daycare, or let her cry for 10 minutes while you shower, that's okay.
• If something doesn't feel right, trust your judgment. Try different formulas (with or without your doctor's advice), and don't let her cry it out if it makes you uncomfortable.
• Do what you feel is best. You can't go back later and love your baby differently.
• Sleep every chance you get. I heard this a lot but didn't take heed. Seriously, sleep.
  
• Start a bedtime routine and stick with it.
• Try lots of calming techniques to see which ones you and baby like best. What worked for us: patting her bottom, while lightly bouncing her and making loud "shhh" sounds.
• Blackout blinds and a white noise machine can work wonders.
• Find a soothie that she likes. Natalie had no interest in pacifiers, but she likes falling asleep with a blankie. I wouldn't put her down without one now.
  
• Professional pictures are fun! And they don't have to cost a lot. We usually pay arond $20 at JC Penney with a coupon.
• Wide neck bottles are the way to go. They make middle-of-the-night feedings much easier. We like the ones from Gerber.
• Accept help when offered. And don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
• Say out loud, "I love you, I love you, I love you." When I found myself sleep-deprived, stressed and frustrated, holding a tired baby who wouldn't stop crying, this trick saved me.
• Nothing can prepare you for the first two months of motherhood. It isn't the same for everyone, but it was the hardest thing I've ever done.
• It gets so much better. Whether your baby is fussy or calm or colicky or sleeps all the time, the same is true. Every month is better than the last. She'll start smiling at you, sleeping regularly (or at least for longer periods), laughing, talking, moving on her own... there are so many things that get so much better.
  
• Sleep every chance you get. In case I didn't mention it before.
• Nothing can prepare you for how much you are going to love your little girl. But you might not feel that bond right away. Give it a month or so until you really get to know her. You'll fall head over heels.
• Get lots of advice, but go with your gut. I fed Natalie when she was hungry and let her sleep when she's tired. My friend had her infant on a strict schedule. Both of them continue to thrive, and they'll both turn out great.
• There really is no tried and true. Every baby is different.
• Get one of those temperature monitor thingies for her room. We don't have one, and we are constantly wondering if she is too hot or too cold.
  
• Video monitors are not overrated. I thought they were, so we didn't register for one. We have one now, and trust me. It's $150 well spent.
  

Happy Birthday!

Sure, 30 is a milestone, but we celebrate our entrance to middle age by enjoying a quiet evening on our new deck. Going out involves too much precious time spent away from our wonderful, adorable baby girl. So we gathered friends and family around a crackling campfire and toasted marshmallows. Perfect.

freakin' fabulous

Last year I started an ambitious campaign to be more ladylike. If you know me, you know what I mean by "ambitious." I went through Emily Post's book of etiquette searching for things that are applicable to my life. (Calling cards? Notsomuch.) As it happens, there wasn't a whole lot that was applicable to my life.

I did learn that when offering felicitations to a bride, you should never say "congratulations." That implies that she "won" something when really it was the groom who "won" over the bride. You should say "best wishes" instead. How I remember that and not a million other more important things is beyond me. I also managed to learn how to eat using the continental method, which is enormously impressive to me (and only me, I'm pretty sure).

But the truth of the matter is that there just isn't much Emily Post can tell me about life in the 21st century. So I was delighted to find Freakin' Fabulous by style guru Clinton Kelly. It's full of fascinating and useful tidbits such as when to salt and pepper your food, what not to bring to a dinner party, and how to write a good thank you note. And it's funny!

bumper stickers

I can't decide if bumper stickers are a cool, fun little adornment or are completely trashy. Normally, I don't like things on the back of my car. My Syracuse Alumni license plate frame is about as personal as it gets right now.

But recently I have been wanting something a little more me. And those stick-family stickers are not my style, so that's out. I really want to give into what I call (for lack of a better term) ovals. I've been resisting because of their trendiness. I'm not really a trendy person, for better or for worse. But maybe if I just stick with country ovals (as opposed to city ovals, sports team ovals, marathon ovals, etc etc etc) I won't seem as... sheepish.

Does that back of my Jeep need this much bling?
I don't know. I'm still trying to decide.

a cup a day...

Being the mother of a toddler requires a lot of early mornings, as well as a certain amount of cheerful flexibility. Natalie decided she didn't need more than a 30 minute nap today? Hey, that's okay. Natalie decided she doesn't want to eat anything but peanut butter and jelly? Well, you have to pick your battles.

Sometimes I am this cheerfully flexible. Sometimes I get very very frustrated. When frustrated Fran comes out, we go for coffee. I usually start my work days with coffee, and sometimes I even start my "Natalie days" with coffee too. Because, while Natalie days are much more fun than actual work, they are still tiring.

But when I found myself pregnant again (yay!) I tried to cut the coffee entirely. The risks of caffeine intake on pregnant women and their babies haven't been proven, but I thought I should play it safe. Turns out tired mommy is not a fun mommy. I'm back to my one caffeinated drink a day routine. I won't say I need it, but it helps. A lot.

So does this recent news item about the possible benefits of coffee. Score!

half way!

Here I am at 20 weeks and 2 days pregnant with baby 2. As of yesterday, I am officially in the second half of this pregnancy! With absolutely nothing done to prepare for the newest addition, I'm sure this last 20 weeks will go quickly.

I know it's only natural with a second baby, but I feel (and I look) a lot bigger now than I did when I was pregnant with Natalie. Seriously, I already look like I did in my third trimester pic last time! Although technically that's only 5 weeks away. So maybe that's not so bad after all :)

Oh, and I almost forgot! I've been feeling the baby kick for awhile now. I'm finding out that a lot of the excitement of pregnancy gets lost when you've done it before. Decorating the nursery, the hospital tour, and even the days ticking by (wait... I'm 20 weeks already?) But feeling the baby move is special and amazing. Even if it isn't exactly new.

Apple Gruyere Pie Recipe

If you were a fan of the series Pushing Daisies, this might be right up your alley! This has been modified slightly from the blogger at Rice and Spice. For instance, I used Crisco instead of leaf lard. And a pastry cutter instead of a food processor. The result is still pretty great, and I get asked for this recipe a lot. Enjoy!

Pie Crust
2 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp. sugar
13 tbsp. cold, unsalted butter, cut into 1 in pieces
7 tbsp. butter flavored Crisco
2 oz. Gruyère, finely grated
ice water

Pie filling
3 lbs (about 7 apples; I like to use a mix of red and green)
1/2 c. sugar
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1/8 tsp. cinnamon
5 tsp. all-purpose flour

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix flour, salt, sugar and Gruyere in large mixing bowl. Using a pastry blender, cut in the Crisco. Cut in the butter until the largest pieces of butter are the size of large peas.

Sprinkle ice water over flour mixture one tablespoon at a time; toss after each addition. (Try not to add too much extra water.) Dough is ready when it clumps together when squeezed in your palm. Gather dough into two parts, one slightly larger than the other.

Roll out the larger piece of dough, and ease dough into pie plate. Peel, core and slice apples into quarters. Slice each quarter thinly. Mix in other filling ingredients. Pile apples into pie plate, pouring any juice on top.

Roll out smaller piece of dough, and place on top of apples. Seal two crusts together, and make slits in the top crust to allow steam to escape. Place pie in oven, and reduce oven temperature to 375 degrees. Bake 50 minutes to an hour, until you can see the filling bubbling between the slits in the crust.

Cool on a wire rack at least 20 minutes before serving.

The deck

For some reason, I feel it necessary to insist that my wonderful husband embark on large home improvement projects while I’m pregnant. With Natalie, we decided we needed a new master bathroom. It turned out great, but the experience was frustrating. This year, when we found out Uncle Sam was going to be rewarding us with a juicy tax return, we decided we needed another project. This year, it was the deck.

Our deck is roughly 20 years old and is showing its age. Or was showing its age. Before it was demolished. Maybe starting in March wasn’t the best plan, but now three weeks later, it’s almost done. It will be larger, more open to our yard, and feature built in seating and a pergola. When it’s finished. To the credit of my husband and all the great help we’ve had, this project has gone really quickly!

Right now we have loose deck boards on the deck and a makeshift ramp down to the yard. It’s liveable, but I can’t wait for the finished product. Check back closer to Easter for finished pictures. I’m sure it will be great!

I have decided

I’m giving this one last shot. The posts will be infrequent, and I’m not going to beat myself up if I go weeks (or more likely months) without posting. The thing is that as I have been reading over some of my previous posts, it’s a great record of my thoughts and where I have been at any given point in my life. I’ll save all of these wonderful memories to share with my children as they get older. So here goes…

words words words

Natalie's first word was Dadda, though I'm not 100% convinced she knew what she was saying. Matt and I marvel every time she says a new word. Sometimes she repeats what we say, but sometimes she says a word out of the blue that we haven't spoken to her in days.

I thought it was great how much she was able to communicate at 15 months old. But when our doctor told us that she should know about 10 words by that age, I was floored. She was already close to 50. After that I stopped keeping track. I couldn't anymore. She was and still is learning words so quickly that I can't keep up. When people ask, I end up saying, "Uh let's see. She said water, and uh... gator. Um... swing... slide. She knows all the kids' names at daycare..." But I know there's more.

I attribute this language explosion to the fact that we read and talk to her every day, and have been since she was born. Since before actually. And during those long commutes to Oxford, I listed to an awful lot of audio books. (So if she grows up with a penchant for Jeremy Irons' voice, audio books are to blame.)

Also, she has extremely good genes ;)

Soon I'll post a picture of Natalie's "word wall". Matt brought home bath crayons that Natalie absolutely loves. But in an effort to keep my mom updated on all the new words Natalie was saying, I used the crayons to keep track. These are her first 50 words.

Journaling versus blogging

I have always been a fan of journaling. More so now that I have a child (and another on the way). I started Natalie’s journal when I was just 5 weeks pregnant. And now, at 14 weeks pregnant the second time, I have started a new journal for the new baby.

With a full time job, a precocious and adorable toddler, a home that demands renovation, and a husband that insists we have food in the house at all times, the question becomes… are two journals enough, or should I continue attempting to blog?

ho ho!

We took Natalie to the mall to see Santa the other day. The whole experience was great! The mall we chose has a train that runs behind Santa with a little winter wonderland setting. Natalie was too young to ride it, but she loved watching it go around while waving at the passengers. When her turn came, she spotted Santa and shouted, "Ho ho!" That's her name for Santa, and it's adorable the way she says it with such familiarity. "I know him! That's Ho ho!"

She sat happily on Santa's lap, and kept looking up at him with glee. "I can't believe I finally get to meet you!" her expression seemed to say. She also clutched her small stuffed Santa, which was beyond adorable. Enjoy!

walking!

Natalie walked tonight! When she realized what she was doing, she immediately stopped, but it was so amazing! Bring on toddler-hood!

first reds game!

Taking Natalie to a Reds game involved a lot of planning! We wanted to avoid night games, work around my weekend work schedule, and pick a day that wouldn't be too hot for her to be out for several hours. Hot days make us both cranky :)

We ended up buying tickets for the last Reds game of the season. Although we were joined by lots of other friends, Natalie was the only baby. She was awesome through most of the game. When she started getting fidgety, Matt and I took her for a walk around the park. She took home a Mr. Redlegs doll, and even got her picture taken with Gapper.

And we even won.

OAMC Italian Style

I’m really busy. At least I think so. Tomorrow is my 15th straight day of work, and last night Matt and I were busy preparing the guest room for our impending house guests. I find myself running improbable errands on my lunch break (grocery shopping in 20 minutes: not recommended), and taking care of phone business on my commute. Most of my reading is now done by audiobook. All of this so that the end of the day brings uninterrupted family time.

I freely admit that if we hadn’t had the foresight to cook dinner ahead of time and freeze it, we’d have been eating out (or grilling out) almost every night this week. Instead, we got to choose from a variety of meals we’d already prepared. Last night, we chose Chicken Tucson. I’ve already shared that recipe, so today I’ve posted a different one. Another favorite cook and freeze meal… Italian style!

Stuffed Manicotti

• 1 lb ground beef
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 cup mushrooms, chopped
• 1 cup bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup Parmesan, grated
• 1/8 tsp pepper
• 8 manicotti shells (I always have more stuffing than shells, so buy extra)
• 1 14-oz. jar pasta sauce
• 1 cup Mozarella, grated
• 1/2 cup Parmesan, grated
  

1. Brown ground beef with onion in large skillet. Drain well, then add mushrooms. Cook and stir 4-5 minutes longer, until mushrooms are tender. Remove from heat and add breadcrumbs, milk, egg, first quantity of Parmesan cheese, and pepper. Mix well.
2. Boil manicotti shells as directed on package. (Mine are never al dente enough, and they always break. If yours break while you’re stuffing them, don’t fret. They turn out just fine.) Drain, and rinse with cold water. Place on parchment-lined cookie sheets. Stuff each shell with beef mixture.
3. Spread 1/2 cup pasta sauce in the bottom of a 9×9 baking dish. (I don’t have any 9×9 dishes, so I use whatever I have that’s remotely close.) Top with stuffed manicotti noodles. Cover with remaining sauce. Chill in refrigerator, then wrap. Attach baggie of mixed Mozarella and second quantity of Parmesan. Label all. Freeze.
4. To bake immediately, sprinkle with mozzarella and second quantity of Parmesan. Bake at 350 for 25 to 35 minutes or until bubbly and cheese is melted.
   To cook from frozen , thaw overnight in refrigerator. (Mine always takes longer than “overnight”, so start early!) Cover and bake at 350 for 20 to 30 minutes or until hot. Uncover, sprinkle with cheese mixture, and 10 to 15 minutes longer, until casserole bubbles and cheese is melted.

Obviously classy

If you’re anything like most people, you’ve gone through a period where you hated your name. Maybe you’ve sworn, as I did, that if you ever got the chance to name your own child, you’d do much better than your parents did.

I decided on my daughter’s first name a long time ago, so I’m lucky that the husband has similar taste. But what does our choice of names say about our taste exactly?

According to the book Beyond Ava & Aiden (the updated version of Beyond Jennifer & Jason), the name Natalie is glamorous, vintage chic, and feminine. It is also serious and grown-up, a name “your daughter may thank you for as she gets older.” And it reveals that Matt and I have a touch of Yuppy in us.

Natalie’s middle name — Claire — is all of those things, as well as “obviously classy.” Nice to know!

None of this guarantees that Natalie will like her name. The name Frances is a hipster name that is both serious and vintage. And although it has been “over looked by the masses,” it “has class to spare.” None of which changes my opinion, of course.

If you want to know what your child’s name reveals about you (or what your name reveals about your parents!) find Beyond Ava & Aiden at your local library or bookstore. Or ask me to look it up. I totally will.

New ride!

The lateness of this post is embarrassing, but here it is… finally.

In 2004, I bought a gently used Ford Focus out of sheer necessity. I had totaled my beat-up ’92 Escort and needed a ride fast. Without help from a father or husband (but with some help from a best friend), I found the perfect car for me. It was blue, had low mileage, and I could afford it on my meager salary. Plus, with four doors, it was kind of an upgrade.

Six years later, having gotten married, moved three or four times, and had a baby, I found myself needing more from my car. It didn’t fit the car seat, and barely fit the stroller… forget about groceries.

I researched for months to find a car I liked that was in our budget. I wanted something in the crossover family: not a behemoth, but bigger than my sedan. Something with good gas mileage and better safety ratings. I missed the sunroof from my old Escort, so I definitely wanted one of those. Also, I had never had a car with cruise control, power windows or power locks, and I wanted all three. And of course, it had to fit the car seat. That I found a new car with a kickin’ sound package was a huge bonus. That it was priced to sell was an even bigger bonus.

We bought it the same day we test drove it. Natalie came along, and gave it her seal of approval — she didn’t cry the entire test drive! Matt came with me, but the only opinion he gave was that it was going to be my car, so it was going to be my choice.

(I also made sure the back seat could fit three car seats across. You never know! ;)

Things I have learned from being a mommy

3. Your time suddenly becomes a lot more valuable.

Pop Quiz: You get home from work around 6:15 pm. You have one hour and 15 minutes before your baby goes to sleep. You choose to:
A. wash the dishes.
B. cook dinner.
C. cuddle with, play with, or take a walk with your baby.
D. update your social networking sites.

Maybe you are thinking, “That’s a cinch! I could put him in his swing in the kitchen while I make dinner. We could sing silly songs while he watches mommy be silly dancing around.”

That is a great idea, and I’ve tried it a couple of times. But when your baby is in his swing while you’re cooking — no matter how much of an effort you make to interact with or entertain him, there are going to be times you’re more focused on the cookbook, the sink, the stove, the oven, the cutting board than on your baby.

Once I became a mother, my free time completely disappeared. Not because I had no free time, but because the free time that I did have I wanted to spend with my daughter. (Or, after she goes to bed, with my husband.) Even running errands during my time with Natalie feels like I’m cheating both of us, because I can’t see her or really interact with her at all.

Although maybe at least grocery shopping will be more fun now!

Natalie's first shopping cart ride (5-9-10)

Cheating in the Kitchen

On a local message board for working mommies, a fellow poster mentioned Once A Month Cooking (OAMC). The theory is that you clear a day (probably a Saturday), have your ingredients ready, and cook up a storm. In one day, you should be able to get 30 dinners made — enough for the whole month. That’s the story anyway.

Turns out, I’m not that hard core. Matt and I have been trying OAMC in a less strict form. We don’t cook 30 dinners in one day. We cook, maybe 3 or 6 dinners at a time several times a month. Either way, the result is the same: dinner that is ready when you are. Here is one recipe we have tried and loved.

Chicken Tucson

1 (20 oz) jar salsa
2 (16 oz) cans black beans
1 red bell pepper, chopped
2 cups cooked, cubed chicken breast
6 corn (we used flour) tortillas
2 cups shredded cheddar (I ran out and subbed in pepper jack)
1/2 cup sour cream

1. Spread 1/2 cup salsa in 9×9 inch baking dish and set aside. (I don’t have any 9×9 baking dishes, so I use whatever’s closest.) Drain black beans and rinse well; drain again. In large bowl, combine beans, bell pepper, chicken and remaining salsa. Mix well.

2. Place 3 tortillas on salsa in bottom of baking dish. Top with half of chicken mixture and sprinkle with half of cheese. Top with 3 more tortillas, then remaining chicken mixture. Either cook now or freeze for later. See instructions below.

To cook and serve immediately: dollop with sour cream, and sprinkle with cheese. Bake at 350 for 25 to 35 minutes until bubbly and cheese begins to brown.

Instructions for freezing, thawing and cooking later: Cover and label. Reserve sour cream in refrigerator. Place remaining cheese in zip-loc bag, attach to baking dish, and freeze.Thaw overnight in refrigerator. (Ours needed thawing over TWO nights.) Place small dollops of sour cream on casserole and top with cheese from zip-loc bag. Bake at 350 for 30 to 40 minutes, until hot and cheese begins to brown.

Happy Easter!

I don’t think I’ve ever sent out an Easter card until now. But sending out cards for random holidays is more enjoyable now that Natalie is here. In fact, I have come to appreciate that Natalie makes everything – yes everything – a lot more fun. Even though having a baby means getting up at 2:30 in the morning on a regular basis. Or having to stand in the back of a packed church because (1) there is no room to sit and (2) if the baby cries, I need a quick escape route. Or going to family functions where Natalie will be fussed over and played with until she becomes overstimulated, starts to cry, and needs her mommy to cradle and sing softly to her.

Even though it’s a lot more work, it’s also so much more fun.